It's fucked up...

It's fucked up.

Ms. River sends me a text message, telling me she's not going to the beach anymore.
Using nothing but my thumbs, I type in three simple letters, "W,H,Y," followed by a question mark.
She tells me that Patrick is butt hurt because he can't handle her when she's stressed out.
I tell her I'm sorry to hear that.
This is after last night, when Ms. River tells me that her and Patrick aren't clicking. "We're cool." She types, "Just not like that." She tells me sometimes she thinks about me, and becomes sad.
As fucked up as it sounds, a sudden flood of warmth covers my stomach. The poisonous butterfly's, the ones that have been tearing up my insides for the past month, are no longer there.
This was before Ms. River tells me she's no longer going to the beach. This was before Ms. River was hurt and upset. She tells me she has the whole weekend off, and nobody to go the beach with.
For the past month, I've been the cause of hurt. The cause of pain for River. I don't like to see her hurt. When it's someone else that causes that pain, I like it even less.

Where I am right now is standing naked. 

Where I am right now is standing naked, in River's bedroom holding a pillow in my right hand, standing "en garde".
River side steps towards me and swings her pillow down, and around, right into my face.
"Ha!" She laughs.
"That was good." I say. "I think I'll give that one to you."
I swing my pillow sideways, towards her face. She catches it with her hand and flings her pillow up towards my face, catching me right on the nose.
"You fucking bitch!" I say.
All Ms. River can do is laugh.
Again, I swing my pillow. This time down and around hoping to catch her on the top of her head. Instead, she catches it with her hand and flings her pillow back into my face. 
"Ha ha! You suck!" She says. 
How I feel right now is embarrassed. 
Where I am is standing in River's bedroom and doing my best to defend my manhood. So far, Ms.River has landed 3, maybe 4 blows to my face, while I've landed zero. 
This is what we do. This is,one of many reasons why I love her. I love her because I can stand naked in her bedroom, and pillow fight. I can let my guard down and for the time that I'm with her, it feels as if nothing else matters in the world. 
Ms. River grabs my pillow again, and throws her pillow towards my face. This time I catch it and we both stand there, in a stalemate, holding each others pillows. I move towards her and spin her around, wrapping both arms around her. 

I send miss River a text message, telling her that this is fucked up.
"What?" She responds.
In my text message I type out that I was writing about her, picturing her naked. That now I've realized how sexually frustrated I really am.
This time she types more than a one word response. "Has nothing to do with me." She says. Followed by a smiley face.
I tell her it's all her fault. Passing the blame on to other people is my specialty sometimes.
How I feel right now is nostalgic...and a little turned on. I picture River, and her back go me. I picture my hand on her hips, pulling her soft body next to mine. Feeling my hand run through the back of her hair.
River just wants to be left alone and draw.
I grab a piece of paper and write the word "DICK" in black ball point pen. I grab my cell phone and take a picture of it, sending River a text I tell her I have the perfect thing that will cheer her up.
"What?" She wants to know.
"A dick pic." I type. I press send.

.......River gets out of the shower before I do. This was my first mistake. Letting her out of the shower before me. We've only been dating for a month, and my naivety was still lingering among the humid shower steam. 
I grab a lavender scented shampoo bottle, and squirt a quarter size amount of liquid into my palm. 
Not realizing the silence in the bathroom was my second mistake. 
I move my head under a stream of hot water and begin working up a thick lather of lavender scented soap. 
The toilet flushes. 
"Mother Fucker!" I shout. 
River, she just laughs her beautiful poetic laugh. Even when my ego is scalded by hot water, I still love that laugh.