Finally! A Secret worth typing.

     Ms. River sends me a text, telling me she loves me, followed by the nickname, "puppy face"
I grab the remote control, and change the channel from the news, to some show about a man and a woman, surviving in the Malaysian Jungle. Naked. The breast's and the genitals are of course covered by a television filter, but for some reason Spike T.V. has decided to show the ass of both party members. The okay, and the horrible.
Right in front of me on Television.
Where I am is in my living room, laying on my couch, getting ready for bed. I can only think what it would be like with River and I on this show. Naked. In the Malaysian jungle. Trying to survive.
Ms. River would probably be the first one to tell you she'd do the hunting and gathering. She'd tell you I'd stay at the campfire and cook, while she killed and cleaned the game.
I'd probably be the first one to tell you that she'd be telling the truth.
Then Ms. River would stand there naked, in the Malaysian jungle and ask for a point up on the board.           I'd stand there naked and smiling. I'd tell her no fucking way, that this is a proven fact! There was no whit behind it, no creativity, no points. While her buck knife slices through the skin of a squirrel, or boar, or whatever she brings back, she'll laugh and tell me to go "suck a fuck!"

Where I am right now is in a Hospital.
Inside the lobby, I sit down next the only outlet I can find, and plug in my cheap, flip top phone.
What I'm doing is here supporting my roommate, Matt. Over the past week, My roommate's leg has been leaking fluid and pus out of his right shin. This all started from a cut he received while waking into the corner of an open door.
So Matt sits behind closed doors, off limits to myself, while I sit in the lobby of Mountain View hospital in North Las Vegas.
Earlier today, River and I had our first conversation in almost a month. Since she left the place we first met.
For the past three weeks, River and I had exchanged niceties, jokes, flirts, and lately online, via Facebook.
For the past three weeks, we would exchange music and secrets no one else knew.
We'd send smiles and winks, formed from colons and semi colons.
Tales of ex lovers, from the tragic to the forgettable.
We'd do this till Three, sometimes four O'clock in the morning. Never saying how we really felt, about each other.
Until this morning.
For the past three weeks, we would exchange music and secrets no one else knew.
The biggest secret of all, was the simple fact that both of us were in love with the person opposite of the screen from where we were sitting.
Somewhere around Three, maybe Four O'clock in the morning, I send Ms. River a picture of myself.
Underneath the photo, I write as a caption, "I know I've already sent this to you but..."
After a few minutes, River, she writes back "Nope. Must have been some other girl."
I pick up my laptop and move from the couch, to the outside patio. The butt of a Marlboro light touches my lips and I type back, "Nope. No other girls."
I wait a few minutes for Ms. River to respond. I wait a few minutes and look through the thick, cold October air and wonder where Ms. River is, what part of the dark sky she's looking up at. Is she thinking of me like I think of her, right now, this very moment?
My laptop beeps, letting me know I have a message.
"I think I'm going to bed?" She types.
"Why?" I ask.
"Trust issues." She says.
I take a deep breath in. Despite River's frustration and sudden need to end our conversation, a smile crawls over my face.
"I just realized something tonight." I type.
"What?"
My fingers stall. They stop moving and stall and I ask myself if I should really type what I'm about to type.
"That you really like me?" As I  type these words, I say them out loud to myself at the same time.
"Oh really?" She types, "And how do you know that?"
"No reason. Forgot about it." I type.
"Well..." River types, "We can sit here, and you can deflect, and we can play the secret game, or we can tell each how we really feel." She types. "Your choice."
I light another cigarette and breathe in a thick cloud of nervous air. Exhaling a cloud of vulnerability, my fingertips dance around the keyboard.
Secret,
After secret,
After secret,
After secret,
I tell Ms.River the biggest secret of all.
That I am absolutely falling head over heals for her. That I have been since the first day we spoke. Since the first day we exchanged stories and read to each other.
So I sit in the Lobby of a hospital. There for emotional support. There in case my roommate Matt needs someone to drive him back to the house.
Waiting in the Lobby, I flip open my phone and highlight River's name from my contact list.
My thumb presses send, I take a deep breath and I wait to hear her voice...